Have you ever considered how often we adjust our communication topics and frequency based on the relationships we have? Our partners or spouses may typically want frequent, highly specific check-ins, our teenagers want the minimum acceptable level of communication, our parents may like us to call weekly or monthly with some general updates about the family, and our friends could be okay with whatever communication happens within your busy life.
At work, leaders have four critical relationships they must develop and communicate appropriately with: the boss, direct reports, peers, and customers. Each relationship is essential and deserves focused attention, yet each relationship values and needs different things to be productive.
We can sometimes fall into the trap of treating each relationship in the same way, neglecting the unique needs of each, and not respecting what each considers necessary. It is an easy thing to do as we treat others based more on our needs than theirs. However, understanding and adjusting to the specific needs of each of these four types of relationships is critical for a leader to be successful.
So, what are the individual needs for each critical relationship? What are the language, values, and ways to strengthen each relationship? Effective leadership requires that each of the four relationships receive the time, attention, and messages valued the most.
Using the award-winning LEAD NOW! Leadership Development Model as a framework, we can identify what each critical relationship most cares about to help avoid relationship-poor leadership. Each relationship speaks a different language, explained below:
BOSS:
To build an effective relationship with your Boss and upper management, use the language of Business Results. Your boss is focused on performance and is expecting you to deliver it. Business results are primarily what your boss is evaluated on—what will deliver his or her success. You might not like this reality, but it is the nature of things. You need to convey how you will achieve these results in your communication with him or her. If you are not putting business results at the center of your conversations with your boss, you are likely not speaking the language that he/she understands and cares about most.
Here are some recommended Do’s and Don’t’s for building a strong relationship with your Boss:
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Direct Reports:
To build a relationship with your Direct Reports, use the language of People Results. Your employees care about the team dynamics, the level of engagement, career development, and how talent gets promoted on the team. Your team members want feedback and communication and to work in an environment that challenges and rewards. Yes, they also care about the performance outputs, but focusing on people results in your communication will get at the heart of what they care about; it will help you speak their language.
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PEERS:
To build a relationship with your Peers use the language of Internal Focus. Peers are concerned with how resources get allocated and how work gets accomplished internally. They want clarity on hand-offs, transparency in budgeting, and a desire to partner to make things work better. Talking about team engagement may build some goodwill, but speaking about improving the day-to-day work patterns and fairly negotiating resources will get to the heart of what peers value most.
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CUSTOMERS:
To build a strong relationship with your Customers, use the language of External Focus. This language concerns the broader marketplace in identifying the competitive landscape, industry trends, and current and future customer needs. Customers are less concerned about how something gets produced or if the team is happy. Customers want assurance that you know their concerns and hopes. They want to see action in satisfying their needs, even if it is a small amount. They also want to hear ideas on how you will address their desires in a cheaper, faster, or quicker manner.
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An effective leader crafts messages based upon those with whom they are speaking or working. The leader understands that the four different relationships each speak a different language and have unique needs. They know that using each relationship’s unique language will improve understanding and lead to balanced performance. So, test it out. Adapt your communication approach based on the relationships you have and see the difference. They will appreciate how you speak their language!