With total irritation, he looked at me and said: “I can’t believe they didn’t do what we agreed to. Our entire meeting was to ensure everyone was on board, and now he forgot the key to the entire plan!”
I just nodded. Yes, I’ve heard it before. Sure, the specifics differ each time, but the basic behavior and frustration are essentially the same.
It all boils down to the complexities and intricacies of communication. No matter how hard we try to get our point across, we too often end up disappointed, frequently with disastrous results.
One of my favorite Gems from my book 52 Leadership Gems, Gem #4, gets directly to the heart of most communication challenges I have observed:
“The biggest hurdle to effective communication is the ASSUMPTION that has occurred.”
You think you got your point across.
You didn’t.
You assumed that they got it.
They didn’t.
How frustrating! You are baffled by what went wrong.
Assuming leads you to a dangerous place. It’s a place filled with potential pitfalls that inevitably lead to poor results.
The assumption most of us make when communicating is believing that everyone in the loop has received and understood the message, especially when we feel we have taken the time to provide detailed information, thinking we have covered all of the bases. Sometimes, communication breakdown seems inevitable, no matter how hard we try to prevent it.
For example, you spend all afternoon preparing for a meeting to launch a major team project and then spend the entire morning putting forth excessive effort to clarify every detail of that project—only to learn that many in attendance were confused.
Leaders must remember that effective communication depends on the receiver understanding the message, but receivers often have a different perspective, which can often distort the intended meaning.
Leaders must accept as a constant that when two or more minds attempt to communicate, they are coming from at least two different perspectives. With this awareness, communication becomes a process that requires greater clarification and ongoing monitoring.
Sure, it takes extra time and effort to ensure room for clarifying questions and responses. This slowdown can feel unnecessary and frustrating in our rush to accomplish our goals. When you step back and take the bigger picture view, investing the time upfront usually saves more time than it takes and reaps additional dividends. You will avoid having to resolve unfortunate situations, reduce overall frustration for you and your team, and minimize misunderstandings.
After a meaningful conversation or meeting, avoid generalities such as: “Do you have any questions?” People often do not ask questions because they may not want to draw attention to themselves in front of others, or they may be so confused they don't know what to ask.
Instead, try asking clarifying questions that require a response, such as: “What is your understanding of our approach?” or “What are your next steps in the project?” Their answers will help you see where additional emphasis or information is needed.
Actively seek clarification of your communications to avoid misunderstandings. You may be pleasantly surprised with the results.
SELF-CHECK: