Some of the most successful sitcoms in television history have been built on the particular challenges presented by difficult people in the workplace (think The Office or Taxi or The Mary Tyler Moore Show).
But while we might enjoy watching interactions with challenging people on television, we would certainly prefer not to encounter these people in our daily work environments.
The truth is that every workplace includes its share of difficult people. Have you ever encountered one of the following?
This person constantly deflects responsibility or blame for anything—including career advancement. Common phrases might be, “I can’t believe this is happening to me!” or “This isn’t my fault!”
Victims are best handled by remaining neutral and refusing to confirm their beliefs.
Everyone has encountered a bully at least once. Bullies use sheer force of will, backed up by insults or derogatory statements, to take charge of every situation. A bully might insist, “I’m in charge!” and back up the assertion by telling co-workers that they are pathetic or incompetent.
The best way to face a Bully in the workplace is to avoid reacting entirely as much as possible; Bullies will take note of reactions and exploit them to do more damage.
Gossips spend a large portion of time making the office rounds to spread rumors that may or may not be relevant to work. They have dozens of ways into a conversation about others—not all of them obvious.
Manage the attention you give a Gossip, and never repeat private, speculative, or unconfirmed information.
No one has a higher opinion of the Egomaniac than the Egomaniac. These people are convinced of their superiority, believing they are the smartest and the best at everything in the organization. They may ignore other advice or talk over people in meetings, or they may take over assignments that aren’t theirs because they know they can do them best.
Seek their advice and compliment them where applicable, but set firm boundaries about what they have responsibility for.
Pessimists are utterly convinced that the worst-case scenario will always happen and that neither they nor their teams can impact anything positively. These people can bring down a meeting with just a few phrases like “that won’t work” or “we can’t change that.”
When interacting with a Pessimist, stick to facts and limit interaction.
While striving for excellence is certainly a positive trait, some people take excellence to mean “perfection.” These people will accept no mistakes and no excuses—especially from themselves!
Set boundaries with perfectionists and emphasize a learning mindset. Remind the Perfectionist that done is better than perfect and that most people can’t tell the difference between 90% excellent and 100% perfect.
Pleasers are sometimes very wounded, occasionally fragile people. Somewhere in their lives, they’ve received the message that the only way to get along with others is to subjugate their own feelings and needs to those of other people. They can easily be taken advantage of and will apologize at the drop of a hat—even when they’ve done nothing wrong.
Be kind to these people and set realistic expectations with them. Draw clear boundaries about what they are and are not responsible for.
Each of these different kinds of difficult people presents slightly different challenges for interaction, but there are some tips that can be applied to general communication with any difficult person:
Certain behaviors can tempt us to respond angrily faster than others. When confronted with challenging people, separate the behavior from the person and get to the root of the problem. Then, attack the problem, not the other person.
Don’t defend and dig in. Ask, “Why is this important?” or “How will this help you?” Try to pinpoint the interest that the position represents. Often, the position is just a surface issue that hides the real problem. The Bully or Egomaniac may be digging in because of an underlying insecurity.
Only one person can get mad at a time. As a leader, you can set a good example by managing your emotions and demonstrating good communication techniques. In some cases, such as with the Perfectionist or Pleaser, a little empathy can go a long way.
Acknowledgment and gratitude go a long way. Even difficult people need both. Where appropriate, acknowledge positive contributions.
Once you understand the interests behind the positions, find some ways to provide options or alternative ways to approach a problem. Generate a variety of possibilities for mutual gain before deciding what to do.
Insist that the result be based on some objective standard. Allow the other party to have some say in the criteria so that they have buy-in.
Some people are natural conflict avoiders, and difficult people can sometimes take advantage of their lack of engagement. If you are a conflict-avoider, stop worrying so much about being liked. Focus on what you’re hearing more than what people are saying, and ask questions from a place of curiosity and respect. Most of all, don’t put off confrontation, and be direct in your interactions. Expect a positive outcome.
Ultimately, leaders must remember that even difficult people are still human and still have human needs. Start with a charitable attitude, but be prepared to create healthy boundaries and manage your own emotions. In the end, you are responsible for you and your reactions, and others are responsible for theirs.