As a leader, you’ve likely experienced the full range of human emotions while working with and managing a team. The struggle isn’t in feeling emotion but in regulating emotion in a way that doesn’t damage the team or organization—or your career!
Regulating emotions may seem easy when things are going well, but if the economy takes a downturn, the company experiences a significant change, or you have to have a difficult conversation with a subordinate, emotional regulation becomes a much more critical skill.
Here are six tips to help you regulate your emotions to be an effective leader.
Before deciding whether to take action in a challenging circumstance, decide if you have any control over the situation. By determining what is within your control and what is outside of it, you can help yourself and others understand what emotional responses are appropriate.
For example, if your company has just announced its acquisition, you will have no control over that sale. You can control your emotional response, however, and you can give space to your team members to ask questions and express their feelings.
Or consider if you have a team member who is consistently late or out sick. You can’t control that person’s actions, but you can control your response. While anger or frustration may be natural, you can also respond with empathy and compassion by finding out why the team member is struggling and helping that person resolve challenges.
How often have you seen something on social media or received an e-mail that made your blood boil? You instantly craft a response and post or send it, and then what happens? Nothing may happen, or it’s possible that someone reads your intelligent, well-crafted response and instantly changes an opinion or reverses a decision.
However, the recipient of your response is more likely to feel hurt, angry, or frustrated. If you had taken more time to think about your response, it's also likely that you might have said something different. You may have discovered new information or reassessed your own opinions.
Your mother or grandmother was probably right when she advised you to count to ten when angry. There is never any harm in pausing, taking a deep breath, and considering your response carefully, even in face-to-face conversations.
When there is no denying that you are feeling strong negative emotions, it may not be reasonable to express them aloud—but it also isn’t good to completely hold them in! In those moments, express your feelings in a healthy and appropriate way. Use “I” language that emphasizes your feelings instead of blaming others. Keep your voice as steady and level as possible to avoid escalating matters. Commit to staying calm, and focus on controlling your breathing.
If tempers are too high to talk in the moment, walk away or postpone the conversation until everyone has had time to reset. Use that time to take a brisk walk to burn off some adrenaline or eat a healthy snack to increase your blood sugar.
Preparing for conflict doesn’t mean you should always look for a fight. Instead, you should think about how to respond during the conflict before it occurs so that your brain is prepared with healthy responses and coping mechanisms.
You can start thinking about how to respond to conflict by role-playing scenarios in your head before they come up. For example, as a new manager giving feedback for the first time, think through how your team members may respond to both positive and negative feedback. How will you respond to their emotions, questions, or challenges? By considering responses ahead of time, your emotions will be less likely to catch you by surprise, and you’ll regulate responses better.
Chances are, you have a lot of successful experience with regulating your emotions. What were the common ingredients in those interactions? Were you especially well-rested? Were they areas where you felt very confident? Walk through these interactions as best you can and think about what you did right and what you could improve.
We often forget one fundamental truth of our humanity: when we take care of our bodies and brains, they work for us, not against us. Leaders who are tired, burned out, sick or unhealthy, or struggling with work-life integration are more likely to express negative emotions in unhealthy and unproductive ways than those leaders who look out for their own well-being.
As much as possible, practice good sleep habits, get some moderate exercise, and eat a well-rounded diet with plenty of fruits and vegetables. Try to find time for one-on-one connection with others, and make every effort to leave work at work.
Leaders can have an outsized impact on a team’s emotional dynamic, and if a leader struggles with regulating emotion, the team will as well. Those leaders who regulate emotion well will enjoy better relationships with bosses, peers, customers, and team members, and they will likely produce better business results as well. To learn more about how managing your emotions can impact your executive presence, contact us.